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When I know you hurt, I got hurt.
I can't let go the feeling of being hurt.
It's not that you hurt me, but I do feel the pain.
Your pain is mine, too.
I feel it, too.
Don't get hurt.
Be healthy be happy.
Stay with me and let's get through this.
Get well real soon.
I'll be beside you.
Always do always will.

[Perutnya] Jalan-jalan Kuliner ke Jogja @Roaster and Bear #kulinerjogja

Hiiiiiiii, very long time no see meeeee. Well, this time I wanna share a video, a culinary and short trip video to be exact with Perutnya Production, hehe.



I'll just be brief about this. Perutnya Production is a... um... what do you called it... Called it a community, a group of some of guys who love food and make a review about it. They have Youtube channel, Instagram account (@perutnya, follow follow follow :D) and blog (perutnya.blogspot.com). Make sure you guys get the update from them, follow all the social media of them and they will satisfy your hunger ;)



Oh, one more thing, most videos or reviews are about food in Solo, because they come originally from Solo. Sometimes, they do such a short trip, like this time on the video below, and hunt the 'special food' there. You get curious? Check this one out!



P.S: LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE.

MORE P.S: pardon my face in the video :'D

Suppa Awesome: LIZZIE PARRA GIVEAWAY

Hellooo, long time no see. Okay, so I just wanna be blunt this time and have the guts to participate in this giveaway. It is very easy and quick. Just like some online shopping website slogan says, happiness is just in one click away hehehe. So, this comes from Lizzie Parra. She is an Indonesian MUA and been subscribed on her Youtube channel these days. She is fun and cheerful and I come to this event :D



To be precised, I'll provide the requirement of the event. Check this out ;)



It's time for #LIZZIEPARRAGIVEAWAY

How to Enter:

1. Subscribed to my Channel (Required)
2. Comment: Why you want to WIN this giveaway. Please add your IG Name & Twitter name to the comment.
3. Open for Indonesian ONLY, sorry :)
4. Share this video, if you would like. Sharing is Caring :)

Selain di Youtube Channel ini, aku juga bagi-bagi Giveaway yang sama untuk Blog dan Instagram aku. So you are welcome to join :)

1. Go to my Instagram : 
https://instagram.com/bylizzieparra

2. Read my blog:
https://www.lizzieparra.com

IMPORTANT: 
- I WILL CHOOSE THE WINNERS ON 18 SEPTEMBER 2015 and ANNOUNCE IT HERE ON 19 SEPTEMBER 2015. I will send you an email and you have to reply back to me in 3x24 hours.
- For YOUTUBE Giveaway Winners will be announced in THIS description box. Kalau Instagram akan aku umumkan di Instagram, begitu pula dengan Blog, akan aku umumkan di Blog.
- The Winners will be chosen at Random and I will make sure all the requirements are met 

========================================­===

The winners will get:
1. Make Over Eyeliner in Royal Blue
2. Make Over Eyeliner in Classic Green
3. Lancome Lip Lover 
4. Make Over Lip Color Palette Poprock Peach
5. Make Over Lip Color Palette 
6. Shu Uemura Oleo Pack Foundation
7. Wet and Wild Comfort Zone Eye Shadow
8. The Bath Box Castille 75% Olive
9. The Bath Box Foot Bomb
10. The Bath Box Lip Scrub
11. SK-II Facial Treatment Gentle Cleansing Cream
12. RSTY Silk Lash True Eclat
13. RTSY Silk Lash Antoinette Diary
14. RTSY Silk Lash True Eclat

Dont forget to share this giveaway to all of your friends yah.

Good luck!



So, guys, give it a shot! Cheers ;)

Restart and Go!

Holla, it's almost a year I'm absent from this writing space -- the place I usually spent most of time -- I do yearn for drowning myself into my stories, whatever it is, and typing some stuffs, some garbages -- HAHA -- you name it. Well, some Twitter users are promoting 'Go Blogging' thingy and writing things online. I actually started this kinda things since 2010, but I'm not really passionate to be active user since then. You know, assignments, papers, group discussion and presentations, tests, there such things really confiscate my time. Haha, it's only a matter of importance scale (is it right?) to divide some businesses. I remember reading some lines in Twitter, it says: "Nothing is too busy or 'I have no time', it's just a matter of priority". It struck my head and I was like, 'Damn, it's TRUE!'. Yes, I admitted it that I'm too shallow and wasting most of my time with... what... nothing. Haha kinda pathetic, but I can't help it! What if I didn't get the passion and felling like 'What should I do? What can I do next? What am I doing actually? I don't have any idea what I'm doing right now!' I know, I'm just too much complaining and having excuses. I can't focus in one thing for some exact time, because it's so easy to distract me!

OMG!

I.

Just.

Can't.

Well...

Mom texted me several days ago, asking me the same questions she always to be curious about.

"When will you finish your thesis? How far is it going? Please, accomplish it ASAP, just so you can answers those craps -- 'What semester are you in, Nia?'. Are you not getting embarrassed to answer the same question over and over with the same answer?"

I'm just getting tired of the same question or else some things -- sensitive one -- I just want she stays calm and wait the process.

I just. I just. I just.

Too many excuses. I know.

And I blow 'it' up. I thought she was cool, she was okay with it, or else got excited and welcome it. The fact, she was like... burned. I'm too shocked to be confronted, but I have predicted it would be her reaction. We argue, through messaging. I wonder if I could do it in front of her. I know I only can write things and stay silent if someone confront me. You know that feeling when you have tried the best, you prayed every single day, you hope everything is alright, but it is not (yet). I'm too sad I can't stop crying. In silence. It feels like you don't know how fight for this anymore and you don't know how to do it next.

How to face it together after this.....

You know that proverb about 'God's blessing is Mother's blessing'? When I read it or someone else say it or I hear it on television, it feels like it's shot right on my chest, head, all over my body. I don't want to be a rebellious kid, in fact I'm always a rebel, but it makes me so mad. Why I don't feel like supported by her. Everything I do is wrong, cannot satisfy, disappointed, negative... I can't stand it... I'm usually with this and put on a good front of everyone. I'll keep silent. I don't want my friends know, I don't wanna share it. My weakness is forever mine and I don't think to share it. It's my problem, my own, everybody cannot know that. People always get curious, being nosy, yet they don't really care about it. To be honest, I'm too. And everyone, too. I know it, because this is the part of society you can't deny.

Short Story: I Feel Sorry towards...

Kemarin aku bertemu dengan dia. Dia yang pernah mengisi sebagian hidup dan pernah mengisi hari-hariku. Klise, ya? Well, aku tidak pernah pandai untuk mengutarakan dan menggambarkan isi hatiku. Terlebih saat ini – tiga tahun setelah dia mendeklarasikan berpisah denganku. Untuk mengejar ‘impian’ dan ‘cita-cita’ yang selama ini dia idamkan. Aku tidak menyalahkannya, at least sekarang, after all this time, atas keputusannya itu. Tak munafik aku pernah sangat membencinya, mengutuk dan berharap dia tak pernah bahagia dengan pilihannya saat itu. Tapi setelah melihatnya kemarin, I mean secara langsung, I feel sorry towards him. I never thought he would turn out ‘that way’.

Aku pernah sangat mencintainya, mengagungkan namanya dan selalu kubanggakan di depan teman-temanku. ‘Dia jago banget masak. Kemarin dia masakin tom yum sama nasi lemak buat gue,’ ujarku saat itu. Tami menyesap capuccinnonya pelan dan berdeham, ’Well, you deserve it. You’ve been his fan for years. Up to he noticed you and make a move, you really are a lucky girl. I wish my husband could do such things, but he couldn’t!’ Aku salah tingkah dan menggaruk dahiku pelan. Pipiku panas, ya aku merasakannya. ‘But, you’re married dan gue belum. Mungkin untuk beberapa tahun ke depan pun belum.’ Kepalaku tertunduk. Kedua tanganku memutar pelan cangkir kopi yang telah kosong.

‘Don’t stop believing, La. Give him time, give him space, he won’t be leaving you. Dia sayang banget lagi sama lo. Selagi lo masih punya kesempatan, puas-puasin dulu aja pacarannya. Percaya deh sama gue, kehidupan setelah lo married gak seindah yang lo bayangin! Gue aja nyesel nikah muda. Haha,’ ujar Tami sembrono. Aku hanya bisa tergelak dan memukul pundaknya pelan.

Tami bisa dibilang adalah perempuan yang tahu sepak terjangku ‘menaklukkan’ lelaki ini. Ya, dia sering memberikan petuah-petuah ajaib yang tidak pernah aku pikirkan akan kulakukan demi mendapatkan hati lelaki yang dengan malas aku menyebutnya mantan! Percaya deh, setelah dikecewakan begitu rupa, dibohongi sampai hatimu berubah menjadi sekeras batu, hal seperti apa lagi yang ingin kau rasakan? Putus? Ya, tentu saja aku melakukannya.

Ibuku adalah wanita dan mungkin orang pertama yang menyadari perubahan sikapku. Di kantor, aku berusaha memasang tampang tegar meskipun hampir semua orang di HRD – tempatku selama ini bernaung – tahu statusku berubah dari yang tadinya gadis ceria yang mempunyai pasangan idaman semua wanita menjadi gadis yang agak kurang ceria dan baru saja putus dengan lelaki idaman wanita manapun, dan pasti banyak wanita yang dengan kurang ajar langsung mendekati lelaki itu. Di kantor aku masih bisa memasang muka tebal dan mengacuhkan pertanyaan membosankan seperti ‘What happened?’, ‘You seemed so happy and didn’t have any problems at all. How could this happen?’, ‘Jalang mana yang ngebuat hubungan lo berantakan, sini gue habisin!’ Yah, kalimat terakhir pastinya datang dari Tami, she’s the reason I could still laugh as hard as I want in pantry when we have our break. Lain di kantor, lain di rumah. Saat aku sudah di rumah, aku akan menangis sampai nafasku habis, tanpa suara, kadang di bawah shower kamar mandi sampai ibuku menggedor-gedor pintu kamarku. ‘Jangan boros air, dua bulan kemarin tagihan air membengkak gara-gara kebiasaanmu ini. Keluar deh, Ibu masak kwetiau.’ Tentu saja aku keluar kamar – setelah mengeringkan badan dan berganti pakaian tentunya – bukan untuk makan. Aku hanya akan memeluk ibuku sampai pagi, sampai tangan ibu kram karena aku menindihnya saat tidur.

Aku hidup berdua saja dengan ibuku. Ayahku? Tidak, dia tidak atau belum meninggal. Ibu dan ayah mempunyai urusan yang aku tidak perlu tahu apa dan bagaimana. Yang aku tahu mereka telah bahagia dengan pilihan hidup mereka masing-masing dan tidak pernah membenci satu sama lain. Terkadang aku mengunjungi keluarga ayah selama beberapa hari. Membelikan mainan untuk adik-adik tiriku, membelikan hadiah untuk ayah dan Ibu Lisa – begitu aku memanggil istri ayah yang sekarang, dan berlibur bersama. Tentu saja ibuku tidak ikut. Aku tidak mau jadi anak kurang ajar tak berhati yang mengajak ibu kandung untuk mengunjungi keluarga baru mantan suaminya.

Ibu adalah wanita yang kuat, mandiri, bersahaja, keras, tangguh, tidak ada feminim-feminimnya. Ibu adalah orang yang seperti itu. Ibu tidak pernah mendidikku untuk menjadi wanita yang selalu bergantung pada lelaki. Di usianya yang telah menginjak 50 tahun, ibu tidak mau berhenti bekerja. Pekerja kantoran bukanlah impiannya, namun ibu tidak punya pilihan. Di waktu senggangnya, ibu akan merajut dan menanam sayur dan bunga di halaman belakang. Sangat sulit mengajak ibu berlibur. Aku hanya akan mengajaknya berjalan-jalan di mall atau mengunjungi nenek saat libur panjang. Selebihnya kami hanya mempunyai quality time di rumah dan tidur bersama saat ‘tantrum’ku kambuh.

Ibu orang yang tertutup, namun tidak pelit senyum. Sebenarnya ibu orang yang konyol dan suka bercanda, hanya saja tidak mau terbuka tentang masalah pribadinya. Aku tahu ibu mempunyai asam urat setelah menemukan bekas bungkus obat yang telah disobek-sobek di tempat sampah saat petugas kebersihan datang dan aku langsung ‘menyidang’ ibu setelahnya. Ibu hanya tersenyum kecil dan mencium keningku, ‘Cerewet sekali kayak bapaknya. Kamu tenang aja, Pris, Ibu bisa jaga diri kok. Ini kecolongan aja.’ Aku cuma bisa merengut dan memeluk ibu. Aku juga tahu ibu kerap menemui seorang lelaki di kota sebelah yang aku ketahui belakangan adalah seorang tuan tanah. Aku beberapa kali membuntuti ibu berkencan, seperti orangtua protektif yang menguntit anak gadisnya berkencan tapi ini berkebalikan, seharian penuh. Satu hal yang aku catat kalau ibu pergi berkencan, ibu tidak pernah menginap, ibu selalu pulang ke rumah. Semalam apapun ibu pergi. He seems nice. Aku menyukai si tuan tanah baik hati ini, namun ibu belum mengenalkannya padaku. Tidak apa-apa, aku akan menunggu pengumuman bahagianya nanti.

Aku selalu berharap bisa seperti ibuku: mandiri dan kuat. Tapi apabila teringat pengkhianatan yang dilakukan lelaki itu, pendirianku melempem seperti biskuit bayi terendam air. Hancur terlumat. Setahun penuh setelah dia pergi aku hanya mengasihani diriku dan menikmati patah hatiku. Have I mentioned ‘tantrum’? That’s when I feel so damn miserable reminding the good old days with that guy. Setelah seperti itu aku akan pulang ke rumah, menangis sesengukan. Kadang tidak akan memakan apapun selama beberapa hari kecuali air. Well, itu minum, tidak masuk hitungan, but who cares? Mengguyur kepalaku selama beberapa menit bahkan berjam-jam sampai tagihan air membengkak, sampai kulitku mengkerut keriput jelek dan kulitku membiru pucat. Selain itu aku akan keluar rumah seharian dan bersenang-senang, dengan cara yang teramat… sembrono.

Shopping, go karaoke with the girls or just alone, go clubbing, get drunk, call some random male friends and get drunk together, you name it, but never got laid. Even once. I mean, with those random guys I just do silly things, and never include ‘down-there’ business. Pernah suatu malam, after a hard and crazy karaoke with my only own self, aku menelepon Tedy. He’s one of my best lads from high school. ‘Gue juga lagi sendirian nih di kedai Korea yang waktu itu kita gak sengaja nemu. Sini aja, gue pesen sapi panggang. Wait, are you okay?’ Aku hanya menangis sesaat lalu menyusut hidung, ‘Gue lagi pengen banget dipeluk.’ Tedy terdiam di ujung sana. Terdengar dia menelan sesuatu mungkin sapi panggang yang dia katakan. ‘Lo dimana? Gue jemput aja.’ Aku turun dari taksi dan menghampirinya, ‘No need, I’m here. Some soju, please.’ Aku memesan dua botol soju dan mencomot sapi panggang dari mangkok kecil di depan Tedy. Soju sebenarnya terasa aneh di lidahku, I’m never been an alcohol person, but when ‘it’ hit me, I’d love to get drunk.

‘Just forget him. He is no longer worth your time, your tears, your everything. He is gone for that biatch!’

‘Tapi gue ga pernah sesayang itu sama cowok, Ted. Dia orang pertama yang bikin gue jatuh cinta. Gue harus gimana?’ aku menangis lagi. Meneguk sebotol soju yang terhidang rapi di depanku.

Tedy berdecak sebal lalu menelan sapi panggangnya lagi. ‘Tadi maksudnya pengen dipeluk gimana? Are you gonna get laid? With me?’

Ingin rasanya menggetok botol soju kosong ini ke kepala Tedy, tapi urung kulakukan. Aku menuang sedikit soju lagi ke gelas kecil yang disodorkan Tedy. ‘No, I just wanna hug someone, somebody, whatever. I just miss him. So bad. I can’t stand it, Ted.’

‘Hug me then. I’m all ready for you,’ Tedy merentangkan kedua tangannya setelah meneguk segelas kecil soju dingin.

Kepalaku mulai terasa berat. Pusing. Tapi soju ini rasanya lembut sekali di mulut. Tapi aku ingin dipeluk. Sebelum aku beranjak menghampiri Tedy yang siap meraih tanganku, aku jatuh tersungkur. Kepalaku sakit menghantam ubin. Dasar Tedy bodoh, kenapa tidak menangkapku? Lelaki macam apa itu? Tapi aku tahu dia teman yang baik. Aku bangun keesokan paginya di kamar ibuku dan terlihat ibu dengan raut muka cemas menungguiku. Ibu langsung menyodoriku advil dan air putih. Aku terbatuk sebentar dan duduk bersandar di kasurnya. ‘Tedy mana, Bu?’

Wajah ibu berubah marah. Marah yang lucu, bukan yang benar-benar marah. Lalu dia memukul tanganku. Aku mengaduh dan kita tertawa lirih. ‘Jam 2 tadi dia gedor-gedor pintu gerbang kirain siapa ada apaan. Ternyata kamu pingsan, kepala benjol, bau alkohol, kucel pasti habis nangis, dan Ibu mukulin Tedy bentar. Tedy udah pulang tadi, dia gak mau telat ke kantor katanya. Oh iya, Ibu udah ijinin kamu ga masuk ke kantor, masuknya lusa karena gak enak badan. Kamu jangan main-main dulu, istirahat. Ibu ke kantor dulu. Telat nih gara-gara kamu.’ Ibu mencium keningku sebentar lalu pergi ke kantor setelah taksi yang dipesannya datang. Aku mengantar ibu sampai pintu gerbang lalu masuk kembali ke rumah. Aku berdiri di depan kaca besar di kamarku, menilai penampilanku sendiri. Kepalaku masih benjol sedikit. Bajuku pasti sudah diganti ibu dan badanku pasti sudah dibersihkan sebelumnya. Masih tercium sedikit soju. Aku terlihat menyedihkan. Sangat menyedihkan.

Setahun penuh aku menghabiskan waktuku mengasihani diriku sendiri dan bersikap menyedihkan. Aku tidak pernah absen men-stalk kehidupan pribadi lelaki itu di social media yang masih aku follow. Facebook, Twitter, blog, Instagram, Line, semuanya. Ya, dia aktif di semua media sosial tersebut. Dasar kurang kerjaan! Tapi aku selalu berakhir sakit hati, tak jarang menangis yang harus kutahan saat aku masih di kantor. Lelaki ini yang dulunya sangat aku banggakan berkata tidak akan goyah pertahanannya hanya karena satu wanita keras kepala yang terus menerus mengganggu hubungan kami. Lalu kantor menugasiku selama dua minggu untuk suatu proyek yang tak bisa aku tolak karena ini demi kenaikan pangkatku. Tugas yang harusnya berakhir dalam dua minggu harus molor menjadi tiga bulan karena klien sangat menyukai hasil kerja kerasku dan that’s how it happened. ‘I need you, but you’re not here. You’re out there. Kita jauh, tapi aku kangen kamu. Aku pengen ditemenin kamu. Telfon, video call, gambar dan foto ga cukup buat aku. I need you here, you’re not here. So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t take it any longer.’ Dia berdalih saat aku bertanya kenapa semua fotoku dihapus dan relationship status-nya menjadi single. Dan aku memergokinya saling berpelukan dan bergandengan tangan dengan wanita yang dia bilang tidak usah dikhawatirkan. He’s cheating on me while I’m trying my best to save my relationship and get my promotion. How cruel.

Lalu aku melihatnya kemarin. Jauh lebih menyedihkan daripada aku tiga tahun yang lalu. Well, aku masih single dan belum tertarik untuk memulai hubungan baru. Trauma? Mungkin. And I saw him yesterday. Dia terlihat… sangat memprihatinkan. I heard he’s getting married, after two years of cheating relationship. I didn’t get the invitation at that time, but I knew it. I remembered I cried for like 3 months and I decided to move on. In three years I never stop checking his activities on those social media, I’m such a stalker. And I saw him yesterday. I feel sorry towards my ex-boyfriend yesterday after three years of broken heart and I never feel so much relieved for losing him. I saw him, he saw me.

Ibuku tidak pernah membenci ayahku karena lebih memilih berpisah daripada mempertahankan biduk rumah tangga mereka. Hal itu juga yang diajarkan kepadaku, ‘Jangan pernah membenci hal-hal yang menyakitkanmu. Mungkin itu menyebalkan, kamu akan merindukan kebersamaan itu suatu hari tapi itu udah gak ada. Percaya deh sama Ibu, kamu nanti lama-lama akan terbiasa. Tetap sayangi keluargamu, karena gak ada istilah mantan bapak, mantan ibu di dalam keluarga. Legowo aja.’

Ibu tidak pernah marah walaupun aku menceritakan padanya betapa aku patah hati dan merasa terkhianati karena lelaki ini. Ibu diam saja dan memelukku. ‘Kamu hanya terlalu mencintai seseorang yang kamu sendiri gak yakin sama dia. Kamu hanya memperjuangkan egomu sendiri yang kamu yakini sendiri akan berhasil dan kamu ‘memaksa’ keyakinanmu untuk diyakini sama dia. Ya mungkin bener karena kamu lagi jauh waktu itu dan kamu gak ada usaha untuk ‘membuktikan’ keyakinan kamu itu. Atau lebih simpelnya, ya dia emang brengsek aja, Pris.’ Seketika aku terbahak mendengar nasehat Ibu namun tak melepaskan pelukannya. Hal itu sering terulang lalu aku berakhir tidur bersama Ibu dan membuat tangannya kram sebelah lagi.

‘Priscilla,’ dia memanggilku lirih. Aku menilai penampilannya sekilas. Dulu dia dikenal necis dan rapi, rambut kusut sedikit saja langsung ribut mencari sisir dan kaca. Sekarang penampilannya kusut, kumisnya tipis tak terawat, rambut acak-acakan, memakai jaket krem kebesaran dan celana jins kumal. Aku berdeham sebentar, ‘Hai.’

‘Long time no see.’

‘Well, gue gak punya alasan yang pas juga sih buat ketemu.’

Dia tersenyum tipis, merangkul kantong kertas yang berisi sayuran dan buah-buahan lebih erat. Aku tidak pernah menyangka dia akan melakukan pekerjaan rumah tangga seperti ini. ‘Masih sama kayak dulu, to the point, gak bisa basa basi.’ Aku hanya tersenyum tipis dan melipat kedua tanganku. ‘So, this is my marriage life. Being a dad of two and a bossy wife.’

Of course, I knew it! I know all of his activities, he always posted it on Instagram, for God sake! Tapi semua penampilan sempurnanya di masa lalu terasa palsu setelah melihatnya hari ini. I stop checking his Instagram since his twin son born. Aku merasa itulah saatnya aku berhenti bersikap menyedihkan dan tidak lagi menjadi pengecut. Yah, aku masih memeriksanya sesekali saat aku bosan and I found nothing. Lama kelamaan kebiasaan stalking ini membosankan dan sia-sia. Kita mengobrol sebentar, kebanyakan dia menceritakan keluarga kecilnya dan istrinya – that bi… ah no more, they both are just pitiful now – dan aku hanya menanggapi seadanya. Setelah pembicaraan kosong yang berakhir dengan aku hanya mengasihaninya karena kehidupannya yang tak lagi indah dan berantakan, aku pergi mengunjungi ayahku. Dia pergi berjalan kaki menuju rumahnya. Kami berpisah jalan tanpa berjabat tangan karena merasa aku tidak perlu menjalin komunikasi apapun dengannya. It all is over.

I know these words while I surf for nothing on internet. ‘Seeing the one who once took you for granted being taken for granted and you just: I could give you the world, but oh well.’ It hit me! Right on my chest! It felt like I was enlightened by some random wisdom, but it is so much true and I was like ‘OH DAAAMN, where have I been?!’ I saw my ex-boyfriend yesterday and felt sorry towards him for being pathetic and faked everything to look perfect. Go on with your life, I already have mine. I don’t want to see you in another life, because my future must be bright and sorry, you’re not on the list.

VOILA!

Hiiiii, good people. It's a very long time no see you. Haha, I didn't have the chance to post anything here. So, I'll just be blunt and jump to the point. Well, I made a short story.

*VOILAAAAAAA!* *trumpet and drum rumbling*

It is not a good one. I just made it... all the way. Haha, what am I saying actually? Okay, I'll post it later. The short story. If you like it, please give some feedback. Mercii :)

Observer

Hello, bello, Fellas! Hehehe it's been awhile not seeing you, you, you and you! Ha, I got some headache for sure here. Hehehe aaaaaanywaaaaayyy, I miss writing stuffs here and tell all of you what I've been through along these times of absences. Well, good day, everyone. It's May, huh? 2014 seems running so fast I could not even remember how I start this year. Aaand how do I start this post this time? Okay, let's sum up my life in this five months of 2014!

I'm sure I've posted couples months ago and told you some stories. Well, last month was April and it was our month -- Adit and my month to be exact. Ha! Ha! Ha! It sounds sooo cheesy that you you could throw up, but I hope you don't. Please, please I'm just so happy to have an anniversary for twice with Adit. Yeah, last April, to be exact on April 26th, 2014 was my second anniversary with him. Yay, finally I beat that fear that I couldn't go through this relationship for more than a year! Yes, yes, call it a trauma. For me, for him, for us. I won't tell about his, but mine, okay the point is I always have that short-term relationships with those guys back then. I found myself always being the brokenhearted party, left party, cheated on party, someone taken for granted party, that kind of person. Pathetic, right? I was. Yet, I try, I try and try to keep this relationship don't last for a short time and I always hope it will last for... yeah long time. Who don't? Back to my celebration *eceileh*, nothing's much. I just sent him a 'happy second anniversary' message and he replied it. We said prayers for our better personality, behaviour, future, everything. No cake, no confetti, no balloons, no flowers, no even presents, just prayers. I did remember why we couldn't have a proper dinner, perhaps. He should take care of his grandpa, since he was hospitalized. Thank God, there's no bad symptom or worse illness, just exhaution or something. I couldn't really remember the causal factor of grandpa's sickness. Oh, even up to today we don't have a proper dinner yet. I mean, just the two of us having a romantic dinner or just dinner, it'll be okay and date all day. Thanks to uni duties, weather, bancruptcy, going home, uni agenda, it doesn't happen yet. THAAAAAAAAAANK YOOOUUU SOOOOOOOO MUCH! No overreaction, please. Calm down, we still can have a silly date which I always have with him. But I miss talking all day with him. You know, it feels so much romantic to have a conversation, a smart one, with him. It feels more fun to have a silly one or talk about someone else! We did it most time, we share it with our friends, too. Call it evil, but it's fun! We can share laugh, news, gossip, everything. Just like the other couples, we are just a very ordinary normal couple. Hehe hopefully we can have third anniversary next year, the forth, fifth, sixth and so on. Then finally we get married, and so on, and so on. :D

Let's have another topic. Well, it's my forth year in uni, 8th semester. Ugh! It's the semester that full of pressure. You know, when you are in your last year in uni, usually, your parents start complaining and force you to end your uni life and graduate soon. Or the worse thing when there was a family gathering and someone asked, "What year are you in uni? Oh, in 8th! You will graduate soon, huh?", ooor..., "Wow, finally you do the thesis, dont you?", even worse, "Have you done your thesis?" The hell are you asking me about, people. Oops, sorry it was rude. But, I just can't get what's on these people's mind when ask about 'that thing'. It is so damn sensitive to be asked when you're in forth year and you still have theorical subjects or introduction for this and that methodology to be accomplished. Yeah, my fault, too, I didn't take my lecturing seriously. I don't know. When I thought I've tried my best, I received a bad score in return, I just couldn't get what's on those lecturers' mind. I do as the lecturers instructed, yet I still couldn't reach their expectation. They should understand that people have different level of intelligence and their speed to catch what the lecturers said. Parents, too. Why are they so demanding? Why did they always compare their kids with another kids? Does that even make sense? Oh, well just clone us from a bit of blood of a professor or genius and you get what you want. Or worse, the world will be a world of genius and there is no justice. Just eat cereal then. Craaaaaaap!
This sensitive thingy will always haunt me and my parents, especially my dear mother, will aaaaalwaaaaayyysssss be demanding and teasing me with this thesis thing. Just eat me, Mom, eat me. Yet, I'll try my veryveryvery BEST to prove that I'm not that dumd to gently present my dear mother a thesis, thesis of my bloody and sweaty experiment in university of Sebelas Maret. Yay! Glory Glory Sebelas Maret University!!!

Oh well, off of that hot and flaming thingy. Guys, did I ever tell that I'm a type of good reader and listener? Haha I might look messy and sloppy, yet I love reading, not that much tho. I just finished reading a metropop novel of an Indonesian novelist titled Antologi Rasa. Apin, my dear friend since from high school, borrowed me and I -- a bit forced, read it. Must say, it is an unrated book and I'm sure the novelist did make her piece simple in cover, but full of wisdom and magical words and sentences I can't imagine I could see that in Indonesian novel. Well, I didn't read much in this past 3 years, even I stopped buying novel and chick literatures from a long time ago. I feel comforted in bookstore, yet I'll feel like I must go out immediately from that place. I'm the typical of EDM listener and social media observer now. You know that Zedd, Alesso, Avicii, Hardwell person just hit this industry of music with brilliant invention of their talent in music, in DJ thingy to be exact. There must be some songs arranged in your playlist. You didn't listen them anymore, yet you're too lazy to delete it. I did, I do, I will perhaps. There are more than 100 songs arranged in a playlist in my cellphone, yet I'd like listening some certain songs that are hype and most of us know and could sing it. I'm that type of person. I don't have a favorite song which is always be my favorite and it must be in playlist. I just listen what I want to listen. When it comes to a song I don't want to listen, I just skipped it. Many times. Talking about Antologi Rasa I mentioned back then, it was published in August 2011 and made by Ika Natassa. It becomes a big hit and I didn't know about it until Apin give it to me. That way I just want to read her other masterpiece, such as A Very Yuppy Wedding, Divortiare and Underground. Once I read her last piece, I thougt the other pieces must have the same or almost the same theme. Actually I enjoy that. Reading stuffs, although -- must say it was a bit shocking and I was like... yeah, that's the truth. People, environment, media, food, drink and many more build a person to have to survive in every situation, implied in a situation they don't want to involve into. I just love how Ika Natassa build and develop her characters she made in the novel. Actually, the characters were made by a female novelist, so the way the characters talk, act, think just too female. Yup, in a logic way I mean. Still, it'd be a very good reading and I just can't stop reading it. I finished reading it in a couple of hours. For your information, it is a bit thick a new reader. Yet, it's sooo brilliant!

Apart from my ordinary daily life, I must thank God that I still can breathe and enjoy life the way I want. God and I have a private business that another people can't interfere us. It is a personal matter and they couldn't make me pounding. The earth is old and it needs to be bathed with prayers, worship and love. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe in God. The One who created and gave me life. Wow, it must be a heaviest talk I've ever said. Just, be good, people.